Sunday, April 1, 2012

Annoying things people say when someone dies.

I have had the heartbreaking pleasure to hear the most un-comforting words of sympathy in the days of my husbands passing.

You'll love again.
You'll find someone new.
Your young yet.
He was a good man.
The loss of a child is worse then the loss of a husband. (yes someone said this to me someone quite close actually)
How are you doing?
Oh it's gets easier.
He's with god now.
I know how you feel.
You'll be OK.

These words do not bring comfort. How the hell you think I'm doing! Really did you just ask me this? Why would I think of loving again? This is the furthest thought from my mind! Unless you too lost a spouse you don't know how I feel! I don't care if he's with God now, I want him here with me & the kids! No grief is the same, it doesn't make me feel better that I lost a husband instead of a child! I don't want my pain to get easier so do assume I want it too! It doesn't give me comfort to think in time my hurt or thoughts of him will be less! My youth doesn't matter at all! Seventy year old widows find others to spend time with and get comfort from and sometimes even re marry. Whatever, it's what they want. My age is not a factor!  He IS a good man! Only his body is gone his soul still exists! His soul was before he had a body and his soul will continue to be!  

If you take one thing away from this rant it should be that if you find yourself in the uncomfortable place to have to comfort someone grieving sometimes nothing needs to be said, a simple hug says enough.                                                              


  1. lesson taken on board. thanks

  2. Before I got to the end of your post, I was thinking, what a survivor really needs is just a hug and to know someone is there. There are no words that could ever make someone feel better after losing a loved one. But I am very sorry for your loss. I've been there. I know how difficult it is. Virtual (((hugs))).

    I'm a new follower via the A to Z Challenge.

  3. It's amazing the things people will tell you in their efforts to make you feel better. Sometimes shaking your head is all you can do at that.

  4. Oh my! I am so sorry about some of those comments. It is not an excuse but people really are quite clueless as to what to do - some avoid you, some avoid the situation. But there is still no excuse for some of those 'helpful' comments.

    i was drawn by the title of your blog - i look forward to reading more of your 'rants' over the coming days.

  5. This is post is something that should really be made public. All to often people speak before they think.
    Actually far too often.
    I can safely say I am for the most part speechless when consoling a grieving friend - when they need me to talk they let me know. And when I talk it's usually about what I can bring over for dinner to feed the family. Talk is overrated in these situations and hugs are under utilized. I'm a big time hugger...and I'm sending you some serious cyber hugs right now.

    Jenny @ Pearson Report
    Co-Host of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.

  6. I am taking the challenge for the first time and am truly overwhelmed by the kind of intense things, such as this, that people have begun blogging about. Well put, I'm sorry for your loss.

  7. I'm so glad I found your blog through the A to Z Challenge. I blog about death since I'm writing a book about it. I have had very little loss in my 41 years (A grandma, four cats, a dog and two miscarriages). Prior to my examination of death professions, I was an avoider of those grieving because I didn't know what to say. And through my research, I learned there isn't anything to say, but being present for the person is quite a gift. In America, we like to fix things and solve problems, but grief is one of those things that can't be "fixed" by words or even time. There is no expiration date on it or a right or wrong way to grieve.
    I'm sorry for your loss. If you want to come on over to my blog and rant about anything, I'd love to have you.